Meet Theodore.

Honestly, I haven't felt this happy since, I don't know? 2009?

Please don't fall in love with me, I'm still very much in love with Jacky. I'm scared, I don't know what is it that I feel towards him anymore. It's been so long. A couple of times you brought me up there like how he did, and then I'll remind myself not to so I wouldn't fall too hard if you're gonna fuck me over. I've got nothing left when I lost him. I cannot go through it again. 

Theodore's my hero.

Since you've got nothing left, why not take a leap of faith. If I fuck you over, you're still gonna be left with  nothing. If you let me in, you either end up with nothing like how you started before you met me, or you'd end up with everything. Just because he wasn't there at your lowest point, it doesn't mean I wouldn't. I promise to bring you up there, and go down with you. You're so afraid to go down there again because you were alone when you were. But if you were to go down one day, you might see a hand. My hand.

God was cruel to make you an angel and not give you wings. But thank god I found you. Because everytime you try to fly and you fall, I'd be there to catch you.

Have you heard of footprints in the sand?

One night I dreamt that I was walking along the beach with my friend. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky. In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets. Other times there was only one. This bothered me alot because I noticed that during the low periods of my life when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could only see one set of footprints in the sand. And so I said to my friend, "you promised me, that you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?" The friend replied: "the years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you"

I promise you I'll carry you through all the bad times. I'll never let you fall. 

DID YOU COME UP WITH THAT THEODORE? 

"No, it's a story from... somewhere. Maybe the bible."

Theodore's a gift.

He says the tackiest shit ever to me and whispers the sweetest things in my ears. 

"Dingxuan's god and I'm Adam. She breathed life into me"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! SAY WHUT??!!?!?!? I think he said that to Marisse or something. 

I don't know what will happen in the future. I don't know how Jacky and I will end up. And it pains me to let go. And in fact, I don't think I ever can. Maybe not because I still love him, but because he used to be somebody so special. And it's a lovely thing to keep those beautiful memories in your heart forever.

I do not want to think about it anymore.

Sick and tired of being unhappy, sick and tired of crying myself to sleep, every fucking night.

Theodore's NOT A rebound.

Theodore's gonna be my world from now on.

I love you Aahhhhh Benngggggg!

x