I used to always think that when all else fails, love prevails.

I literally lived by this.

I was a hopeless romantic, almost. In my beautiful world with a boyfriend I could live with 24/7. We will eventually get married and have lots of kids. In my fairytale. I'm sure, I'm quite certain happily ever after in fairytales are real.

Yet time and time again, love failed me. I failed myself. Or is it because I failed myself, which is why love failed me.

When all else fails, love always fails, without fail.

I've never ever felt so lonely in my life before. I wake up alone, go to work and I come home and I fall asleep alone.

I miss my friends but I don't wanna meet any of them. This is all very strange to me. I never felt this way before.

I kept having this constant fear that everyone is out to do me harm.

I don't know when I started to feel like that but something just made me became like that.

I've always treated every single person whom I knew genuinely, I almost never judged anyone unless I knew them personally. I am always trying to make everyone happy, at the expense of my own happiness. Afraid of hurting this person, afraid of hurting that person. Only to get played out. Like a big fat joke.

For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm living for myself and not anyone else. I don't have to answer to anyone and I am responsible for only myself.

Which is a good thing, But it really gets to me sometimes.

I am starting to realise how lonely this life could be and would be. How people are just passer-bys.

And I am actually not Cinderella but Truman in The Truman Show.

If I were to die, who would cry for me?

My family members perhaps. My friends? They could be sad for awhile, closer ones, maybe longer.

And then? Everything is forgotten. The world would never stop moving for you.

So who have you been living for you whole life?

I am not wallowing in self-pity.

I just feel silly to realise all these only until now.

Someone you once loved so dearly, moving on with his life. He seem so happy everyday. Much better off without you.

Someone whom loved you so dearly, he has his own life too. He is moving on as well.

Someone who is obsessed with you, it is probably just obsession.

At the end of the day, you are left with nothing.

The higher you climb, the harder you fall.

So if I never climbed at all, would I not fall.

What? Would someone just tell me?

No, don't tell me. I'm better off figuring out this alone.

Well.......

Good Night Ding Xuan.

Tomorrow will be a better day. I'm sure.

X